FA Cup Final

THE LAST SNIFF OF MAJOR SILVERWARE FOR TODAY'S FINALISTS: Stoke City's George Eastham scores the winner against Chelsea in the 1972 League Cup final, while Manchester City's Dennis Tueart does for Newcastle four years later.

44 min: Now Kolarov tries to lash home an effort from nigh on 40 yards. Oh now come on, show your fellow professionals some respect. "Robert Huth: He is that sort of player," notes Sean Welch.

43 min: De Jong sidefoots a lame effort wide left of goal from the edge of the Stoke area. Perhaps he should have visualised Xabi Alonso's breastplate.

40 min: Huth, who could easily have walked for his earlier elbow on Balotelli, is booked for a poor lunge on Richards, 25 yards from goal, just on the right. That was a simple decision for the referee. Kolarov wastes the free kick, sending the ball sailing into the top-left corner of the stand behind the goal.

38 min: Balotelli is causing Stoke a lot of problems. Again Tevez feeds him in the box, and he twists and turns down the inside-left channel. The ball's cleared by Stoke for a corner, which is a waste of time. "I tried hitting the screen (with a clenched fist) to get the little humans to play football for the last 15 minutes of the Man U v Blackburn match," replies Andrew Bunyan. "It didn't work."

35 min: What a miss by David Silva. Tevez slips a ball into the Stoke six-yard box for Balotelli. Sorensen won't let the Italian turn to get a shot on goal, so Balotelli lays off for Silva, coming in from the edge of the area. The ball's at an awkward height, but hardly difficult to poke home with Sorensen out of position. However, from eight yards, Silva hammers the ball into the ground, and back up over the bar. "You mentioned the 'suits in charge' at the FA," writes Mark Dougherty. "I thought the FA wore blazers? Maybe suits are their away strip."

32 min: A free kick for Stoke, lamely shot goalwards by Pennant. Hart could have been excused a jaunty whistle, incorporating elaborate trill, as he collected the ball.

30 min: Jones tries to round Kompany in the Manchester City area. The ball springs up and hits the top of the defender's arm. No decision. That would have been tight. Manchester City swoosh down the other end, Kompany looking to rub salt in the wound by scoring from 25 yards. His low sidefooted effort, towards the bottom right, is easily dealt with by Sorensen.

28 min: A bit of a lull now. If ever there's a game requiring a goal, it's this one. "Re Mr Bunyan's point about the camera position at the new Wembley being no good," begins Gary Naylor. "Is there anything good about the new Wembley? Or the old Wembley? (I'm betting without intangible stuff like history.)" The new Wembley certainly is awful. It's like a giant Pride Park or St Mary's. Nothing wrong with that for a club stadium, of course, but Wembley should have a sense of other, which this monstrosity doesn't have. The old running track helped, giving the pitch a haughty dramatic grandeur as it sat out there in no-man's land, the players working in uncharted territory. Who cares about a perfect view? This new place is a total hole. As was the old dump, but a hole with charm.

24 min: Brilliant play all round here. On the left-hand edge of the Stoke area, Balotelli opens up his body and sends a delicious curling shot towards the top-right corner. That's flying into the net, but Sorensen, at full stretch, fingertips round the post. Then claims the corner. Superb stuff. "Please tell Andrew Bunyan that the FA adjusted the camera angle to include more crowd so that the match more closely resembled FIFA 98 on the Playstation," reports Sean Boiling. "Oh hang on, it's 2011 isn't it?"

23 min: From 30 yards out, Wilson belts a free kick miles into the crowd behind Joe Hart's goal.

21 min: Walters gives the ball to Jones on the right-hand edge of the Manchester City area. The big man looks to get a shot away, but is quickly closed down by Kompany. It's not a classic yet by any stretch, but it's ... er ... intriguing.

19 min: Yaya Toure sprays a lovely ball into space down the inside-left channel, allowing Tevez to scoot towards the area. Sorensen is off his line quickly to challenge the striker on the edge of the area. If Tevez is fly, he'd tap the ball to the left and go over the keeper, looking for the penalty. Luckily for the keeper, he's playing it straight, and knocks the ball wide, staying on his feet. Trouble for Tevez is, he knocks it miles wide left, and can't keep the move going, never mind get a shot on goal.

17 min: A free kick for Stoke, and a chance to load the box with players. Which they do, but Pennant's delivery, from out wide on the right, 40 yards out, is aimless and straight down the throat of Hart.

14 min: Huth deliberately sticks his elbow into Balotelli's face as the two chase a long ball down the middle. It's not a hard whack by any means, but it's a sending off offence if the referee claps eyes on it. Luckily for Stoke, the referee and linesman miss Huth's act of stupidity.

13 min: A couple of long throws by Delap come to naught. "Does it not annoy anybody else that the camera angle in the new bigger Wembley is piss poor?" asks Andrew Bunyan. "Why is it so low? I just bought a 42inch TV and half of it is crowd." Have you tried hitting the top of the set with your clenched fist? That used to work with the old-style sets. If it doesn't fix it, get out a hammer.

11 min: The resulting corner's wasted, but soon enough Yaya Toure is launching a magnificent rising drive goalwards. Again, the ball's inches from finding the target, flying just wide right of the top-right corner. Sorensen wouldn't have got to that. Stoke need to put a few passes together, because Manchester City have started very well and are beginning to threaten.

10 min: Oof, this was nearly an own-goal opener. Kolarov diddles down the left, and smashes a low cross into the six-yard area. Shawcross slides in to intercept, and billows the side netting with the ball. He was inches of finding the bottom-left corner there. Wow.

9 min: Nigel de Jong visualises Xabi Alonso's breastplate and puts his foot through the ball, 25 yards out. The ball sails 25 yards over the bar.

7 min: Stoke haven't put a thing together up front yet. I'm not sure they'll be too bothered about that, the team look happy enough to find their feet, while snapping repeatedly at Manchester City's heels. "I wonder: will Man City have the Sheiks here today?" asks Mark Judd. "I'll get my coat." And there, in one fell swoop, ends the stand-up boom.

5 min: Manchester City enjoying the lion's share of the possession. Tevez tucks inside from the left and takes this final's first shot in anger, sending a very decent effort from the edge of the area sailing towards the right-hand side of the goal. It's at a good height for the keeper, though, and Sorensen palms confidently out. The ball's hacked clear. "All this talk of how the FA Cup has lost it's shine, ruined by money, blah-der-dee-blah - you English are just spoiled with an embarrassment of riches, yearning for the past and not seeing how fantastic it is that you can't throw a rock without hitting a fantastic football match," opines Linda Howard. "There. I said it."

3 min: Manchester City earn the first corner down the left. The ball's swung into the box towards Richards at the near post, but the defender fails to connect properly.

2 min: All at bit scrappy at the moment, both on pitch and off. Both sets of fans suddenly sound a bit nervous, and the volume's dropped dramatically. You can't blame them. They'll get their gamefaces on again soon. "Here in Scotland we don't even get the FA Cup final live on telly, being saddled with a Kevin Costner movie instead," reports poor Ryan Dunne. "Given that people play excessive TV coverage for the decline in the FA Cup's prestige, will this mean a resurgence in its popularity north of the border?"

3pm, a traditional kick-off time for the FA Cup final which the suits in charge would be STUPID BASTARDS to change:Tony Pulis has changed out of his fancy suit, and is now sporting his usual tracksuit-and-cap ned combo. And we're off! Stoke set the ball rolling, Walters bombing down the inside-right channel and into the box, but Hart is out quickly to pluck the long ball the striker's chasing from the air.

2.58pm: Shakety hands, swappity pennants.

2.55pm: The teams wait in the tunnel, Manchester City zipped up in their retro tracksuit tops, Stoke City in their red-and-white-striped shirts, a sign maybe that they're not planning to fanny about. Like anybody expects Tony Pulis's Stoke City to fanny about. And then, with spectacular jets of fire blasting at them from pitchside, and wild cheering rolling down from the stands, the teams take to the pitch. It is on!

2.50pm: Time for the traditional FA Cup final hymn.

Nice to abide with him, to abide with him, nice. And tonight's the night the darkness deepens.

2.45pm: The atmosphere at Wembley is fantastic. Half of the stadium a sea of powder blue, the other bathed in red and white. There are a lot of flags floating around. These are two sets of fans who are really grabbing the opportunity to enjoy themselves with both hands, and are squeezing every drop out of it. Of course, for one of them it won't last, with bitter misery awaiting, but at the moment that's not the point.

2.30pm: "Has anyone named Rory ever won a trophy?" wonders Tony Campisi. Of course, if we're looking for ridiculous omens, it's not good news for Mr Delap and pals, 2011 not having been the best of years so far for Rories chasing glory. I don't know why I keep talking about these preposterous omens. Oh yes, that's right: it's because I've got nothing else to say. Don't worry, teams are out soon.

2.15pm: In the Premier League (and yes I know I said I wouldn't mention it) Blackpool are currently leading Bolton Wanderers 4-3. It's a facsimile scoreline of arguably the greatest FA Cup final of them all, the 1953 Matthews final. Could this be a sign that we're in for a classic today? Well, no, obviously it has no bearing on events whatsoever. But to hell with logic! Could this be a sign that we're in for a classic today? All signs point to yes!

Matthew Etherington starts for Stoke City: Sorensen, Wilkinson, Shawcross, Huth, Wilson, Pennant, Whelan, Delap, Etherington, Walters, Jones.

Carlos Tevez starts for Manchester City: Hart, Richards, Kolarov, Kompany, Lescott, De Jong, Barry, Yaya, Silva, Balotelli, Tevez.

Today's final promises to be: A cracker, as both teams are desperate to end their major trophy drought. Not for them the snooty attitude of the big clubs. It's the FA Cup Final!

Stoke City's previous FA Cup finals: None; this is their first. Before this season's romp to the final, their roll of honour in the competition amounted to three semi-final defeats: to Derby County in 1899, and to Arsenal in 1971 and 1972. The 1971 run was perhaps their most famous: only a last-minute Peter Storey penalty denied them a place at Wembley, they lost the replay, but beat Everton 3-2 in a third/fourth place play-off in front of a whopping Selhurst Park crowd of 5,031.

Manchester City's previous FA Cup finals: There have been eight of them. City beat Bolton Wanderers in 1904, Portsmouth in 1934, Birmingham City in 1956, and Leicester City in 1969. They lost to Bolton in 1926, Everton in 1933, Newcastle in 1955, and Tottenham Hotspur in 1981.

Anyway, one thing that remains traditional (for now at least) is the kick-off time: 3pm.

But a new snook to tradition appears to have been cocked this year, with the match being played on the same day as regular league fixtures. This shouldn't cause too much heartache to traditionalists, however: back in the pre-war era, it used to happen all the time. When Manchester City were getting spanked 3-0 by Dixie Dean's Everton in 1933, for example, in the first-ever cup final to feature numbered shirts (Everton wore 1-11, City 12-22), the First Division classifieds read:

Arsenal 2-2 Huddersfield Town
Birmingham City 0-4 Leicester City
Blackburn Rovers 0-5 Aston Villa
Blackpool 2-2 Wolverhampton Wanderers
Derby County 3-2 Newcastle United
Leeds United 0-1 Middlesbrough
Sheffield Wednesday 2-0 Bolton Wanderers
Sunderland 0-3 Portsmouth
West Bromwich Albion 2-1 Liverpool
Man City fans may like to note that, in the Second Division, Manchester United lost 3-2 away at Lincoln City. Stoke's rivals Port Vale won 4-1 at home to Plymouth Argyle. I've gone well off piste here already.

Welcome to the 130th FA Cup final, contested at Wembley Stadium between Manchester City and Stoke City. Now, don't listen to the haters talking the big match down. It's the Cup Final. The Cup Final!!! THE CUP FINAL. No matter what indignities the clowns at the FA have visited upon this event over the years - the abolition of replays, the imposition of penalty shoot-outs, exclusive terrestrial transmission rights for ITV - the old trophy's lustre lingers on. And there's the proof, in that burning you're feeling right now, wishing for all the world that your team was competing today.

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